A Dream Long Overdue
by 002219
Summary: It wasn't the care of a man for his woman that brought them together. Instead, it was the act of pushing past the mutual hatred and getting around to trusting one another even in such a loveless situation that bridged the rift between them. Ironically, it was Jin who made the first push the day he decided to save Noel from herself. Pre-Chronophantasma AU.


_"Will I give my heart in vain—_

_To a lover, or a friend?_

_Come what may..._

_Who to trust, and, where to turn?_

_There's so much I've yet to learn...__"_

___—_Wisdom of the World, _EarthBound_

* * *

If there was one thing that Noel learned to develop recently, it would be proactivity.

The shock value of sitting through one of Terumi's part-logical and part-emotional bomb all in one session still lingered in her mind, and paranoia kept her a considerable distance away from any sort of rest. With nothing better to do and reluctantly admitting that it would benefit her greatly in the long run, our sad little panda of a heroine resigned herself to seeking out her unfriendly savior.

Under the dusky sky, lying on the grass, she spied his prone form for a brief moment before loudly crunching the dry grass, deliberately catching his attention. Rolling to a proper position in a move that should have been cute, or at the very least comical yet somehow managing to make it look like a military maneuver, Jin's sharp, cold, and weary eyes snapped to meet her gaze. The contact lasted for all of a split second before they shut once more, as though watching her was physically tiring.

Asshole, Noel inwardly complained, annoyed by his behavior.

Panic quickly began to overtake the young woman at the leftover impulse from Kusanagi's influence, and to her blissful frustration and irritating distraction Jin Kisaragi's somber tone cut through the awkward tension in the air, halting any further thoughts on the matter. A very helpful asshole, it turned out he was—she finds herself re-evaluating his position in Mu's secret 'shit-list'.

"Noel." There was an undercurrent of venom in his words, but surprisingly, he seemed to be _trying_, at the very least, to keep it in control. "What more do you—…no, that's not quite right. What _do _you want?" Who was this man and what did he do to her Jin?

"I…well, I want to know why you saved me." Discarding her theories of a doppelgänger, Noel inquired so with a tilt of her head. She still did not know much about what happened that day, and neither did Ragna. _Hell, that bastard probably knows, _he had spat out, almost fondly, that crooked smirk widening into a crass smile as he did so. "After all. I'm just a—"

"—Doll?" Jin asked, chuckling contemptuously at her and her opinion. The scathing remark brought out a familiar pang of pain, and in a train of thought that made her fear of being a closet masochist, also brought forward a soothing wave of nostalgia. "Hah. You're not a doll. I'd have thought you, of all people, would know. Has the past few days' suffering mean nothing to you, after all the trouble you forced on us all? Pathetic."

As nice as it was to see her ex-superior back to his old self, Noel most certainly did not like being brushed off like this, and on such a touchy subject matter it made her quite spirited in arguing back against him. "How can you be so sure?" She was about to continue, wanting to vent, wanting to let out all her frustrations. But he beat her to the punch, his words easily slipping between her and her next sentence.

"Because I hate you."

She froze, and her confusion multiplied tenfold. _What._

"There is nothing in this world I hate more than you. Hearing your voice is like nails scratching across a blackboard, seeing your face is tantamount to watching a nightmare. And..." he sighs, and continued with a reluctance childishly similar to a kid who's forced to munch and eat vegetables. "...That's just it, isn't it?"

Jin sat up, his eyes finally opening, looking out across the meadow. Noel notes that he took special care not to include her in his vision, further accentuating his point.

"People don't hate inanimate objects, Noel. We don't hate inhuman things, like animals, tables, chairs, or whatnot. If a sword cuts you, do you hold a grudge against the blade? Or would you swear vengeance on its wielder instead?"

In the face of such an ultimatum, such a deeply-thought-out explanation, Noel dared herself to step just a bit forward, one step at first, then two steps, and was in the middle of a third when he rose his palm, telling her to stop. He did not like his personal space being invaded, especially not by her.

"It makes sense in a technical way as well, I'm sure you understand. You are the Eye of the Azure. The very definition of an 'Eye' is one who was given a soul at the Master Unit's behest. If you're calling yourself a 'doll', well, you must be nothing short of delusional."

The heightened brain processes that Noel wielded allowed her to understand in full detail what he said, what he meant, and what message he wanted to get across, a split second before Jin himself finished his statement. "So," she began, oddly enough with joy actually rising within her chest, "that's why, you…"

"There is judgment, there is execution. Living with Order stuck in my head taught me that. I daresay I recognize them in a conceptual level. And because of that, I know that I have no right to deliver either." He recalled the shattered recollections that he dreamt of every night, memories of lives he once lived. The timeloops had slightly less effect on him, partly because of the Power of Order and partly because his insanity gave him an unbendingly cold and harsh willpower. And though he'd never asked for it, and resented it with all his might, it is his duty to uphold them. What soldier could refuse such a basic, simple task from his superior?

As a result, he still remembered it. The feeling of his irreplaceable bond shattering of his own foolishness—his most sorrowful failure. How he failed, and the despair at how far he had fallen from his original role. There is no way he could judge anyone fairly, for he was the least fair of them all.

That's why his connection to the World is so important. People like the Dark One and the Snake, especially, would've hated the chains that drag them down, seek liberation from the binds of the earth. But for Jin, these bars and cages guided him, told him the way to go, and ensured he did not overstep his boundaries. He respected authority, trusted his being into it, for he could not trust himself.

He let a curtain of silence envelop them both once more, and waited passively for a reaction.

The Girl of Distortions gave him a rather happy one.

"You know, those were the most beautiful things you ever told me." Joy shining from her eyes, she said so with a beaming smile. Even if he hated her, and she him, he knew all the right words to make her happy, and more importantly, give her a satisfactory resolution. Nothing else seemed to matter, not now when her life is finally looking up again.

"Is that so? Try not to make a habit out of your whining, then, I certainly don't enjoy it."

She didn't even cringe past that last comment. She didn't hug him, either, but only because she knew he would dislike the action. And though hatred is an increasingly prominent theme of their relationship, she found no reason to aggravate him further. Yet.

* * *

"This scene is quite impressive, wouldn't you say? You should be grateful I took you along_—_even I've never seen such a thing unfold before."

Standing on a distant, rocky outcropping, yet mysteriously still able to hear the exchange, Rachel said so with a curious tone. Her fellow observer bit back a curse-ridden, sarcastic reply, and he decided that learning how to hold back your tongue is even more unpleasant than getting rammed by a truck all over.

A sigh escaped Ragna's lips, and he decided to change the topic before the itchiness buzzing at the edge of his lips grew any further. "Well, to be fair, the possibility's always been, you know, _there, _just waiting to hit the jackpot…though you do have a point, what with him somehow managing to get it all straight by himself. It's weird. _He's_ weird."

"That is because his brain cells aren't as emotionally-charged as yours, and thus allows for a clearer conscience. I would have suggested you to use him as an example, but I also happen to have evidence that you would do the direct opposite instead." _Idiot, _she mumbles slightly to the side, where only her familiars could hear.

Scowling, the one-inch-long fuse on Ragna's temper reached its end, disappointingly quickly, if you were to ask the princess. "The hell? He gets your respect, and _I _get all the ridicule, 24/7, every day of the year? What the hell did he ever do to you, anyway? You're not treating him like your normal snobby self would."

The words that sounded like suitable incredulity to his ears, however, only served to dig him deeper down the humiliating hole he did not even realize he's in. "Heh, look at him, Princess, acting all clingy and jealous. Of his _younger _brother, too! I feel sorry for him_—_I really do."

As amusing as watching Gii rile him up would be, the vampire noticed that an inquisitive tone had slipped in near the end of Ragna's outburst, and feeling particularly whimsical, she decided to answer. Before he devolved into a childish pissing contest with her servant, of course.

"Before you," she began, and paused, making sure that he was paying attention. Satisfied, she continued, "There was someone else I loved. I'll leave it at that."

* * *

Morning. Always the most gratifying moment in Jin Kisaragi's daily life.

Perhaps because of his relatively good mood, someway, somehow, the man found himself locked in a conversation with a talking cat in a quiet, secluded yet still somewhat fresh section of Kagutsuchi's borders. It's a good thing Noel was asleep, in the end, for he predicts that she'd have been all over the old grizzled yet still very furry cat-swordsman's fluffiness had she been present.

Noel was a very heavy sleeper. He took care to note that she is not at all good at emergency deployment, in spite of all those years spent in the Praetorian Guard.

Personally, Jin found it disturbing that he could not recall exactly when the cat appeared, why he caught his attention, and how he even got him immersed in the banter. Damn malfunctioning short-term memory. He would have bought a calendar to keep his affairs in schedule, but he often forgot to do that, too. Tying a small string around his pinkie did not improve anything, which meant that Noel's advice was utter garbage, as always.

"Tell me something, kid. How bad is yer relationship with Yukianesa?" Jubei—no, that wasn't his name, was it? Switching over to his long-term memory, since the short-term seems to be making an effort in disappointing him at every turn lately (an example of which would be the fact that he didn't even remember how he broke Noel out of that self-loathing hellhole she called 'Mu'), Jin tried to recall the grimalkin's original name. It started with an 'M' and sounded very Eastern, that much he was certain.

For a moment his stare lingered on the curious One-Eyed Lotus, who still wore his yellow jacket in spite of Jin's unreasonable expectation of Samurai armor, before dismissing him in favor of the scenic, overlooking view that the springtime hillside offered him.

"…Why do you ask? That is a personal question, and one that involves a third party."

Despite his misgivings for his bloodthirsty sword, Jin still provided his battle partner a small measure of basic respect. Yukianesa was a pain in the ass, but she was a useful pain in the ass. To add, her previous wielder had been his father, and he would respect her as a family heirloom if nothing else.

Needless to say, he was sentimental in all the wrong times with all the wrong people.

"Well, I need a hint on how much that bastard of a sword there's been drivin' you insane. I should have done it years ago, but I had to make long, repeated, and real tiring efforts to keep another kid from dying in a stupid way. 'Got hit by a log' isn't a proud way to go out, y'know. Besides, you were living it up in the Kisaragi manor. Didn't want to intrude in your little family time."

Disregarding the cat's misconception that his time with the Kisaragis was anything remotely close to pleasant, Jin graced him with a response. This man..._cat..._was trustworthy. "It's simple, really. If I'm shouting 'Nii-san,' assume it's Yukianesa driving. Otherwise, I'd be doing just fine. It's not like I wasn't insane even without my Nox Nyctores."

"Nii-san? Wha—?"

"I had a collection of vintage motorcycles back in my garage, and Nissan was a very good manufacturer during the 21st century. Yukianesa kept pestering me to let her joyride in one, but oil is scarce and I don't trust her not to drive us off a cliff." Jin said so with his usual bored tone, tinged like always with a small bit of sarcasm. Then, as an addendum, he added, "Of course, I also didn't want to disappoint Tsubaki."

Sad as it may seem, there was no fondness in that last sentence, despite the subject that is discussed; a subject that would usually have him break out in a small smile, unless she was hurt or threatened. Obviously, this is because of the lack of any sort of affable interaction between them these past few years, and it was taking its toll on his tired mind.

Jubei was used to hearing stoic men talk about their loved ones, however, and obliviously continued on about women. As it turned out, despite not growing senile, the old warrior has reached a point where he is easily distracted from the original topic. One that he himself brought up, no less. If only Konoe could see him now...

"Mindful of a pretty little flower, aren't ya?" Chuckling, the cat—Mitsuyoshi, _now _Jin remembered his name—said with a toothy grin. "Say, would she make a good wife? I'm looking forward to being an uncle, you know, and if my mess with Kokonoe's any indication, bein' a good role model needs preparation. An' _maybe_ a few inter-dimensional barriers. But mostly preparation."

Uncle? "I believe you mean, 'grandfather,' Cat." The matter-of-fact tone was not interfered by doubt or hesitation, it's a clear cut reminder. And yet, the form of address he used sealed the deal, as Mitsuyoshi's devious grin foretold.

"No, I say 'uncle,' and I _meant _uncle. …Heh, screwing with you is just as satisfying as I'd always imagined it, Hakumen."

* * *

_Be thou the white void, the cold steel, the just sword. With blade in hand, thy shall reap the sins of the world, and cleanse it in the fires of destruction._

There was a desperate, broken man, who wanted to save the world—as he should have a long time ago—and yet, tragically, found himself left with nothing to combat the encroaching darkness.

Shame had mixed with guilt, and led him to revoke everything he once was.

Foolishly, he thought he had become wise. But in doing so, he had forsaken the very same person he'd failed.

After all, was it not the man named 'Jin Kisaragi', that which he himself discarded the name of, who lived for _her _love? Was it not he who she gave all her love to?

Was it not for her that he shone in the face of all the world, a hundred years past the moment of their farewell?

It is no longer such a strange thing, then, that Hakumen…felt so very grateful at being, indirectly, forgiven for the sins he made as both the false and true hero.

That delayed farewell finally came to pass. This time, with closure.

"_Thank you, Tsubaki."_

And so, he reaffirmed his decision from all the way back then:

Discarding humanity to save humanity.

This is what transpired in the hero's white void of a mind over the past few days.

* * *

A hero is someone who saves.

Even if it's only one life; even if to do so, you must accept that you yourself cannot do it—

Regardless of all these constraints, all this and more, that is the precondition to become a 'true' hero.

Until then, you are but a 'false' hero.

That is why, he decided—

* * *

"I'll leave _her_ to you, Noel. Don't make me regret this."

Nighttime had arrived once more. The moon, gone. The stars, bright. And her form, draped with a white cloak, enchanting.

"—oh," she replied, dumbstruck. Completely unexpected, his words took a while to sink in, quite unlike their previous encounter. "_Oh,"_ Noel then repeated, a smile working its way into her face. Knowing that every syllable spoken makes her companion die a little more inside, she finally settled for humming slightly while nodding, something that Jin recognized even through his lidded eyes.

No more words were said. Her swinging legs, reminiscent of how she used to as a child, whizzed through the air quietly, and she basked in the comfortable image of the empty street lit by lanterns and little more. For the first time since the Academy, she shared with him a comfortable silence, though she doubted he noticed it—he was always dense when it comes to reading the mood, or human interaction in general.

She really should have recognized that foreshadowing of his true colors.

Sipping her cheaply-made tea, Noel sat back into the bench, and mused that, perhaps, Jin's 'Silence is golden' attitude towards their shared interactions might actually have been a good idea.

She stumbles a lot in normal conversations, after all, and remaining silent while basking in the company of someone, however cold he is, was comforting.

No one ever said hating someone makes happiness with him impossible.

* * *

Eventually, even he was rewarded for compromising his selfishness in favor of results.

For one day, he woke up, and found that he could no longer hate her.

But that will be explained in due time, and for now, we'll talk about how the Girl of Distortions found something cruelly beautiful in him.

* * *

The two continued what had soon settled into their standard interaction. Of course, it wasn't a perfect process.

He made her cry, several times.

She made him snap, several times.

Neither patience nor rational thought is indestructible; they both wear, and once you reach the threshold—well…

But, they're learning. Jin had never known what it was like to forgive, and Noel was the same way. Knowing that they are both to blame made defusing the messes in their relationship easier, less of a blow to their pride.

They are fortunate, in that manner.

Their loveless state of affairs also served a great role in balancing their dysfunctional, mutual acquaintance into something of value to them both. Without the fear of harming one another's emotional states, they could be completely, utterly, brutally honest with one another. Hiding nothing, and demanding nothing.

It was a mutual respect, something that Noel had always been afraid to push for in their time as Major and Ministerial Secretary, and along the way they finally achieved that small ideal.

* * *

Sometimes she wondered why she stuck with him. Gratitude would not have had such far-reaching longevity, not without love and care—Jin gave neither of those. Soul-searching for quite a bit, she thought back, to her earliest days as a human being.

Edgar and Claire Vermillion, giving her all their love, indulging her in her wants and needs, a simple family that she proactively contributed to when it was threatened. Noel had gotten lucky, and was hardly ever introduced to the darker aspects of life.

Maybe that was why. Jin was the missing piece in her life, the one who first introduced her to hate, to frosty glares, and to the idea of a threat to her very being. If she had confronted him back in the Academy, maybe she could have developed a backbone sooner, could have prepared herself for the reality of Kagutsuchi instead of being the quivering wreck she was.

Bolverk was kind in its attempt to shield her from the bloodshed that came with being a member of the Praetorian Guard, but it did more harm than good in the long run. She still appreciated its concern, though, and had grieved at its destruction, thanks in no small part to herself.

Now, she was doing what she was never able to do back then. She was standing up to Jin, having debates with him, even winning arguments on occasion.

Noel Vermillion felt so very alive ever since she accompanied her hero in his travels.

* * *

Miles away from where they started off, at some point, what she felt for him evolved.

* * *

Love, Noel learned after a few trips and subsequent Steins Gunner-heavy escapes from libraries, is an extreme affection or fondness for someone.

There is a thin line between a friend, and a lover. A friend is someone who frequents your life. A lover is someone who has become a_ part_ of your life.

This is then divided into several more categories. Platonic love, and romantic love. Platonic love is the kind of love that does not involve sticking your sexual organs in places your parents are reluctant to let you explore, or letting foreign things invade aforementioned organ. Platonic love is the kind of 'brotherhood' that most people discover ads one point in their lives, when they can settle their differences and bear with each other, but not get to an actual, intimate point.

Romantic love is platonic love without any of those restrictions.

Noel would readily admit that she was a stereotypical female; she is emotionally sensitive, and prolonged exposure to someone without them trying to kill her is sure to forge some sort of bond, at least from her end. Then, through a series of mixes which involved reverse-psychology, a small crush she might have developed some time during her high school years, and the fact that _he sleeps right next to her every night,_ she developed an alarmingly deep fondness for Jin._  
_

In the end, it was her own fault, really.

She really should have asserted herself and kicked him out onto the couch.

* * *

"Makoto, as your best friend I demand you to slap me."

Well, it was quite a bit more frank than what she would have done in the past, but it's born of the same set of principles. Honest.

Beneath the cloudy afternoon sky, red eyes widened to comical size, and the fluffy-tailed girl scrambled backwards, her arms shooting forwards and waving frantically.

"Whaaa—?" she yelped, and gave the illusion of being a hair's breadth away from crashing down to the rocky road. Noel, who was in front of her, did not even bother trying to help, for Makoto was quick on her feet, and abnormally strong due to her heritage. Instead, she remained standing still in her place, dark blue eyes—_hey, that's new—_boring seriously into her friend's own.

"Lately I've been getting the urge to drag Jin down to the ground and get myself screwed senseless by him." That was not much of an explanation, but it _did _give a bit more context, enough of which that an ex-Intelligence Officer such as Makoto can arrange it into a glimpse of the big picture. "Slap me."

"…Er, Noel, " she began hesitantly, worried that her friend might have gotten a bit too paranoid (among other things) after the whole Kusanagi incident. After all, it's not like teenage girls fantasizing naughty things was a rare sight to behold. "I'm pretty sure just about every girl—and, _maybe_ a few boys—had at least a small flame burning for that guy. It's…not something to be panicky about." _Even if you seem to have a biiiiit wilder of a fetish than I expected. _

Deciding not to put voice into that final thought, Makoto instead put up a finger, in a pose reminiscent of a commander lecturing her subordinate that is in no way compatible to her naturally friendly face, and continued with, "I mean, remember the Izanagi festival back in the Academy? Remember Mai? Hell, even Taro for that matter. Sure, he's not so popular nowadays—I mean, the war did some really nasty things to him—but you've been working very..._intimately_ with him for, I dunno, a year, wasn't it? No one would blame you for getting this riled up about him."

Unsatisfied, Noel just stared. Those sharp eyes were a far cry from the timid girl the squirrel beastkin once knew, but in all honesty it's a bit relieving that she's no longer repressing her ire at others' suggestions. There'll be less crying in the night, that's for certain.

Then, the meaning behind the glare hit her like a truck.

"Oh. Right. Tsubaki _was_ in a homicidal rampage over the possibility of you and Jin being _together_-together. Sorry, forgot about that for a moment there." Sheepishly smiling, Makoto said so while scratching the back of her head.

"…" Luckily, time and effort spent with the root of her problem had developed her capacity for patience and tolerance, and all Noel did was sigh at the sheer unhelpfulness of the entire exchange.

* * *

"...Uh? You're...really asking that?" Blushing, Carl self-consciously straightened his back, cursing his sister's telepathic giggles that resonated at the back of his mind. "Why...why us?" How to display your love is not a comfortable subject for the young man. Considering his father's idea of love seemed to be using people as 'worthy' templates for his creations, and the fact that he regularly conversed with the blank-faced, pupil-less visage of his sister...no, he did not know how to display love, at all.

Noel, ever one to defer to others for help, responded honestly. "Well, you were always one of the more mature ones in the Academy...and Mister Bang was the 'champion' of love...right?"

"YES I AM!" came the enthusiastic reply, the direction of which happened to be...upwards, from the ceiling. The pseudo-ninja was multitasking, partaking in the conversation while helping his subordinates fix the roof after his dramatic entry shattered its stony surface. As a side note, his voice experienced no problems roaring past the physical barriers in order to communicate with them both. "AS WELL AS PEACE, AND JUSTICE! IT WARMS MY HEART, LADY NOEL, THAT THIS BANG SHISHIGAMI IS REMEMBERED BY SUCH A SINCERE LISTENER!"

"Learn some indoor voice, you oaf!" Luna shouted from the kitchen, whereupon which she was raiding the fridge. Sadly, Sena was nowhere to be found, and so the dirty dishes will only pile up further for what could be a half day longer. "I can't eat with my ears ringing!"

"THEN I PERMIT YOU TO BORROW MY HEADSET, MY CUTE DISCIPLE! SUBORDINATE C, LEAD HER TO IT!" After hearing the dulled 'Yes, Boss!', he continued. "NOW, MASTER CARL, WHAT WOULD YOUR ANSWER BE TO OUR DEAR GUEST'S QUESTION?"

Disregarding the blur of shadow that was Subordinate C, Carl cast an exasperated look skyward, looking pitiful at being stuck between the two, very loud, companions, before complying. "Well, I'd suggest asking for an older person's advice. Love is something that you learn more about everyday, right? Try someone with an impressive count on their lifespan. What do you think, Mi—uh, _Ma_ster Bang?"

"A WISE SUGGESTION, I SAY! TRULY, YOU ARE WISE BEYOND YOUR YEARS! YOU MAKE ME PROUD TO HAVE BROUGHT YOU INTO MY CARE, MY SHORT FRIEND!"

Even as the blonde mannequin-dancer muttered a complaint of, "I'm not _that _short, am I...?", Noel took a few moments to survey her list of 'really old people'.

Which, invariably, led to—

* * *

"May I, uh, ask you something, Sir?" rang the voice of a young woman. Valkenhayn straightened his knees from its crouching position, in which he had watered the rosy field of his mistress' most precious garden. Turning his head towards the open gates that led into Alucard Mansion, he was pleasantly surprised to see that the source of the inquiry was politely standing clear outside the castle grounds.

A far cry from that one constant vermin who never seems to tire of being blown well and truly off the ground by his inhuman kick.

Deciding to respond quickly to this well-mannered guest, he bounded forwards with shocking agility, stopping in front of her after but a mere three seconds. "Of course you can, my dear child," he answered warmly, bowing in a gentlemanly manner that left Noel's face slightly flushed at the rare accommodation. "Though your humble attendant today only has a scarce few sources that pale in comparison to the Lady Rachel's, I shall do my best to rest you of your troubles."

"Oh, thanks." Smiling and not even remarking at what must be an odd place to be serviced for modern men and women, she quickly skyrocketed through Valkenhayn's list of guests. Oh, how he long he had yearned for such a humble visitor! To have his wish granted so late in his life…! "Well, I'm pretty sure you can answer it—I'm told it's something you learn just by growing up. Erm…how do you deal with these…feels you get when…ah, you spend a lot of time with someone from the opposite gender, and…?"

The old wolf blinked once, twice, before a fond grin etched itself into his face. Long ago, he had resigned himself to the thought of never being able to hold these kinds of conversations—ever since he was sworn into the Alucards' service, in fact. After all, he never had children he could have explained the intricacies of love and life to, ones to cherish the growth unto maturity of.

So with gusto he began his speech, one filled with grandiose wording and high spirits, formulated from the deepest of understandings gained through centuries of experience and contemplation.

Under the ominous moon, Noel received the Talk from a very, very old werewolf.

* * *

Oddly enough, it worked.

Yes, it was filled with needless prose and dramatic gestures, including but certainly not limited to an on-his-knees howl to the skies, scuffling his collar in excited anxiety, as well as an interesting discovery on her part that there were a lot of euphemisms for a vagina.

Yes, it lasted about two hours and Jin ended up getting her a take-out by the time she got home—it was fried chicken and it would have been a lot better off warm.

And yes, it did shatter the image of old, reliable gentleman that she'd developed of Valkenhayn.

But she believed in those values he's hammered into her head with that hoarse, rusty voice of his. It was like listening to Hakumen's speeches about justice—you just can't argue against it. You don't necessarily approve of the extremity of its practical application, but you can respect the core philosophy that made them that way.

She wondered what the other two Heroes, Jubei and Terumi, would give speeches about if she'd caught them on a good day—though Jin gave her a withering look along with a "Don't ask," at the mention of the former and she really did not wish for prolonged contact with the latter.

It was an eye-opening experience, nonetheless, one that she enjoyed thoroughly.

* * *

Those days are some of the best she had ever lived, and soon enough, the murky past became nothing more than a distant memory.

And then, one night, as she lay still on her place of rest, with new eyes with which to behold their relationship, she decided to try and make him happy again.

They've both changed greatly since his and her failed communication long ago. As the new dawn broke the skies and filled her eyes, she prayed that they could change along with the times.

* * *

Since long ago, they've both came to recognize one another's rails of thought. What it was that invoked anger, or cause irritation and frustration in them; the pet peeves that prick the surface of their patience, and the principles that they both lived by.

Jin did not like a work done half-assed, for example. Knowing her own clumsiness, Noel refrained from trying and failing at things she had no proficiency in. Practice makes perfect, but it is ideal to practice where no one suffers from the failed attempts.

And Noel hated not understanding much of anything, so Jin took the effort to explain himself, for he was far too much of a sociopath to be understood by gestures alone. Words are power, and action secondary when two parties are reaching out to an understanding.

If you know what makes your companion frown, then surely you would know how to make them happy.

It was difficult, though. Jin was so far down his self-destructive path that he could hardly be bothered to care about others' well-being, much less their wants and needs.

The fact that he's all but given up on life was yet another issue to work around with.

It began as a whimsy. A small act of kindness with not much logical reason for him to do so; at the same time, there had been no good, hard reason not to, either.

Jin decided to make it a duty, not a passable habit, to show be courteous and polite, and though they were hollow words about as empty as he himself was, they made her smile brightly. As she did so, the world seemed to become a more vibrant place than it should have been.

He realized that the woman before him is truly an empathic one, and just for a moment, he sincerely thought it was a miracle to see this all.

* * *

Spring before summer, autumn through winter, they never left the other's side. He saw no reason to refute her company, and she grew attached to him. She found him to be her strongest connection to reality, her personal beacon of harsh, unforgiving light. And he found her to be the chains and shackles that kept him bound to humanity, a prison that understood him and kept him from doing things he would surely regret.

It was nice, being given a way to be somewhat human, even if it had little to do with his duty. Or, perhaps, fate conspired this to happen, to enhance his performance by giving him an output of opinions and responses of what humanity truly wishes for?

It mattered little.

Somewhere along the line, he changed, too. He never compromised his beliefs, but his outlook altered. Shifted. Gave him a different angle with which to see the World.

And, at the peak of it all—

* * *

"Hey, Jin."

The comfort of the dark blue walls, the velvety curtains, the cool conditioned air and the distant moon—well, perhaps not the moon, but everything else on that list, and more—made him far more receptive to her inquiry than in standard daytime.

"Yes."

It was a question worded as a confirmation. It could be both, actually, interchangeable without discord.

"I love you."

For her, love is a deep affection. And she's grown fond of him, strongly so, more than anything else she ever bonded with in her life.

"Is that so? I'm happy for you."

They were not words of requite. They were the words of a sincere friend who wishes another well for finding someone she can be happy with.

"—ah."

Crushing disappointment locked in combat with a soaring cheer, the latter because Jin was happy with her elation. That is not something you can boast, especially if your name wasn't Noel Vermillion.

"I take it you're sorrowful?"

There was a small concern in his voice, concern that she may take his rejection badly. She responds with a cringing smile.

"Yeah. I expected it, but, uh, it still stings. I'm very bitter about it."

For Jin, love is someone you are happiest with. And though Noel had done a great job at making sure he enjoyed their time together, he knew that he enjoyed his time with Tsubaki far more. It was a sad truth, and he daresay that he would change that fact if he could. But this is not something you can simply mold like clay, and an abstract concept such as 'joy' is difficult to genuinely manipulate.

"Tsubaki is the one I love. You know that, Noel. Whatever it is we have been all this time, it wasn't love."

Joy is joy. Even if you know it's wrong to, you can't help but feel it. Even if you respond to it differently, there's still the fact that your heart chooses its own response.

"Yeah, I—"

"But, you are the one I trust my life with. I don't love you, but I trust you, your judgment, and everything you have decided to live for."

His eyes are open, now. Looking into her face, a face that should have driven painful memories into the surface of his mind. And he heard her voice, a voice that should have hurt him deeply.

But he's made peace with them. The woman before him have even stopped trying to become the lost sister named 'Saya', and instead embraced the nature of her soul as the one named 'Noel'. Such an act deserves only his highest regard, as high as he can ever give with his limits.

Trust may not be as integral to life as love, but it is still an ideal not many can say they've achieved perfectly. Yet obliviously she did so, through her unknowing words and decisions, all of which clattered down to this conclusion.

She could have rejected his answer. Demanded more out of him. She may even have succeeded in doing so; he owed her a debt for the cruelty he'd inflicted on her, after all.

She didn't, though. She accepted her portion in life, and settled with the most he would willingly offer, and likely, the most he ever could give.

"…I'm fine with this."

She didn't cry at the lack of equal feelings, or frowned at him with the promise of pain—she was not violent by nature, and had circumstances been different would have fit perfectly with the life of a pacifist. Instead she took him in her embrace, and though he did not do the same, she smiled into his shirt and dreamt of things that had come true a long time ago.

As for Jin, the feeling of an irreplaceable bond breaking did not haunt him tonight. Rather, all he felt was the ice-cold void of white. And in that emptiness, he found the comfort of a job well done, the feeling of somehow not messing up at just one person, after the failure he's faced with all before her.

* * *

It wasn't love.

Jin, like always, managed to find all the right words to describe their situation.

They've seen and known the other, uglier side to them both, and they knew logically that with just a few wrong mental steps the other could become, for him, a mindless killer and, for her, a genocidal maniac.

That became the peak of their collective story, the final reason why they ended up the way they did. If all hell breaks loose, and they cannot trust themselves, then the other could and would strike them down without needing any more closure than the one they've given each other, long before such a fate would have befallen them.

There would be no hard feelings or wavering steps.

It wasn't love, but it was certainly a romance; this sentence does not make sense. It was irrational, a foolish description of the bond they share.

It was insane. Just like them.


End file.
